Shattering My World

The other day I was watching the recent episode of New Girl where Schmidt throughout his life thought that he had been conversing with Michael Keaton from The Batman movie. It began when his mother started writing letters to him from Keaton after his father left them and throughout college, Nick continued with this role whenever Schmidt was down. To help Schmidt through his breakup, Jess starts messaging him as Keaton but when they are afraid that they will be exposed, Nick says, “If he finds out he isn’t real it will destroy the entire life he has built around him, we are talking about a Truman show situation.”

Lately, in my life, I’ve been experiencing the same thing, but rather than a movie star like Michael Keaton, my reality has been shattered through a glimpse into the truth of the stories in my life, the identity I’ve created for myself and even my thoughts and emotions.  And just like the Truman show, Jim Carey thought that the world he lived in was reality, he had no idea that it was simply a fabrication of actors and props because that was the only world he knew existed. And the moment that he sailed across the ocean and hit the end of the dome, that was the moment that his life shattered to reveal truth. But until he dared to venture across the ocean, he really thought that life was what was presented to him.

And just like the minute you begin to wake up and venture into the depths of your being and begin inquiring the stories, thoughts, feelings and emotions you experience, you begin to see that everything is merely a fabrication of stories and identities just like the props, people and stories in the Truman show.

I knew for a couple of months now that none of my identities that I’ve collected and built up throughout these years are actually my true nature. But to truly understand that even all the stories and beliefs that I’ve held or have newly acquired are also not who I am was another huge shattering of what I thought was real. The old stories, yes I could see clearly how those were not really who I am, but to realize that even the new ones, the stories of how I’m a spiritual seeker now and how I’m not the same person anymore. Even these newly created stories – are merely stories of a different nature. And the funny thing is even the things that I thought for sure was the truth, upon inquiry, is simply another construct of the mind. And with that, I am left with the only thing that I know and can be certain of is that I don’t know anything at all.

And although it is truly liberating to be free from the attachment to my thoughts, stories and emotions, once again I am left with the question of, then who am I really or even what am I?


Photo Credit: NielsBD
Used under Creative Commons License. 

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